how to get kicked out of the hospital

Or, "someone has too much time on her hands. . . ."

My mom's in the hospital recovering from colon surgery. We are really thankful that she made it through well and is ahead of schedule for recovery. I am glad I have been able to come and be with my mom and my sister during this time and help out.

But, really, who enjoys hospitals? Unless you are having a baby, and even then, be honest, they are not the best place to hang out. Today would mark day 5 of our hospital time together, and I have had enough time to think of lots of creative activities to fill one's hospital visiting time. Let me share a few of them.

Revolving Door Roulette. Why does every hospital have a revolving door, anyway? In this game, participants are blindfolded and put into the revolving door to fend for themselves. The object of the game is to leave the door at the right time, thus allowing you to leave the hospital. Lose, and you will either spin around forever or end up back in the hospital, only to be thrown back into the door for another chance.

Hospital Bed Derby. Each floor has its own team, with spotters and passengers. The game is played out in the parking lot.

Paging Dr. House. This one is self explanatory. Last one kicked off of the PA system wins. Extra points if a Dr. House actually shows up to the floor. Extra extra points if he yells at you personally and/or hits you with a cane.

Foley Shuffle. Participants must wear Foley catheters (works best with actual patients who already have them to begin with) and must devise their own dance routines, with care not to disturb their catheter placement. Points for style, endurance, and creative incorporation of the bag into the routine.

Create-your-own Hospital Art. Sorely needed at this particular hospital, let me tell you. With regards to medium, you are only limited by your ability (or inability) to tolerate leftover food and/or bodily substances. Cafeteria condiments are also included in available materials. Format is stretched cotton bedsheets on wooden frames salvaged from already existing artwork (which wasn't that great to begin with, so what was the security guard's problem, anyway?). Artwork to be judged by a representative from each floor.


Free Tattoo Day. Waste in hospitals is a terrible thing, isn't it? Why don't we repurpose all of those used needles and do our part to help the environment! And as an added plus, all the necessary items for sanitizing are readily available. Again, you are only limited by your ability to throw caution to the wind and to tolerate the various "inks" available. All designs are original and chosen with care by Charlie in room 390, bed 2. By appointment only.

And a few more ideas thrown in for free:
Musical Bedpans
Supply Closet Fashion Show (special thanks to Leah Bailey for this one)
Therapy Dog Rodeo
Psychiatrist - best played with actual psych ward patients